What Miscarriage is Like - From a Woman Who Experienced One

The hard truth is, sometimes the tough events in life come in the form of miscarriage for some women. 1 in 4 is the miscarriage statistic in the United States after all. However, many women just deal with the pain and don't talk about the experience.

Losing a pregnancy at any stage can be a very heartbreaking and confusing time. We all deal with grief differently. That, and people just don't want to hear about or understand miscarriage. Save it for the therapist, am I right?

This may lead to not really knowing how to offer support to a woman coping with miscarriage. Which can also make healing even more difficult to achieve.

Today, I'm here to talk about my experience with pregnancy loss with a little story time. I believe we need to talk about our heartaches once in a while. Talking about my miscarriage was unfortunately met with a lot of annoyance among my peers. So, writing about it to offer my real-life point of view has given me time to grieve and heal but also, help other women in the process.

So, thanks for reading.

What's In This Post?

Let me give you some insight on how my miscarriage went. Every woman is different of course but talking about our pregnancy loss is a great way to learn from each other.

• 1. Trying to Conceive
• 2. Two Lines on a Stick
• 3. A Few Days
• 4. The App & Bath
• 5. Hospital Stay
• 6. Trying to Talk & Heal
• 7. Moving Forward

✨Psst, I detail more about my experiences with trying to conceive, miscarriage and so much more in the full book: "Consciously Natural Momma: Natural Parenting Methods from Conception Through the Terrific Twos!".✨

Allow me to elaborate... I'll try to keep this to a short read.

Trying to Conceive

I told J. I wanted to have a baby. I was so embarrassed but I was sure he was the one for me and I was struck with baby fever.

At first, I was just trying to be chill about it. One month went by and I was bummed but carried on. Two, three, and four months went on of us trying to conceive and it just wasn't happening.

That's when I started wondering how natural pregnancy conception works and learned about how my body worked. I thought we were just supposed to have sex without birth control and that was it, done deal.

Boy was I misinformed.

I used the Ovia Health App to track my cycles and I was able to pinpoint the right times to have sex and got a greater understanding of my body. There are also other anonymous women who have shared their experiences and I learned tips on how to conceive naturally.

Those months eventually turned into a year, then that year passed by. At that point, I was absolutely obsessed with baby making and could not get it off my mind.

✨It all started with the book "Consciously Natural Momma: Natural Parenting Methods from Conception Through the Terrific Twos!" find out more here.✨

Two Lines on a Stick

Now, all that time trying to conceive had me getting very antsy and I was doing everything I could to make it happen already! Which included buying a large pack of ovulation and pregnancy sticks. Because at that point I was tired of paying top dollar to pee on a stick of paper.

One day while out of town, I had been doing yoga on my roommates porch and I just knew I just wasn't pregnant again. I was down on myself, had the pms blues and just was ready to give up. This journey was so taxing.

My roommate had gone out with friends and I was going to my shift at the club (more on that in my book.😉). I was due to do a test so I peed on a stick and set it on the counter before my shower. When I got out I was immensely surprised to see the result was TWO LINES! Which is exactly what us "trying to conceive" ladies are hoping to see!

There was enough HCG (pregnancy hormones) in my urine to show a positive on the test! So surely I was pregnant! I was so excited I screamed and promptly hid the test in my suitcase where it couldn't be found.

A Few Days:

I ate dinner, walked to the bus stop and was absolutely STARVING. I consulted the app ladies, "Welcome to being pregnant! Congrats!" many of them typed.

I worked for a few nights and had a good time. I was so excited and happy that I made great tips. And was lost in daydream of how I'd tell J.

✨Learn everything you need to know with "Consciously Natural Momma: Natural Parenting Methods from Conception Through the Terrific Twos!". Find out more here.✨

The App & The Bath:

I was at my last night of work and a customer who had talked to me earlier that week walked up. He *shocked* commented on how skinny my arms had gotten over the week. Which completely threw me off guard because I (embarrassingly) didn't recognize him at first and it was a weird comment.

Shrugged that off, went home and the next day I was due for the train ride back home.

My roommate was at work so I was alone chillin' on the couch writing in my journal to my future baby. I nicknamed them "silly goose" for some reason. When suddenly I felt what feels like blood in my underwear.

There it was. On the couch and on my pants. I was terrified but thought "maybe it's just spotting". So, I consulted the app ladies and got in the bath. I was having strong cramps out of nowhere.

I sat on the toilet and there was more blood. I cried. I knew what was happening. I laid in the bath squirming because of the pain. It was much more sudden and intense than my normal "moon cycle" cramps.

I'm pretty sure I was just crying in this bath completely unsure, confused, terrified and all knowing at the same time. I let the bath run cold as I just laid there.

No fancy bubbles. No bath bombs.

I get out of the bath, pick up the phone and the messages read "You need to call the hospital right now!".

Confused as to why, I called anyway.

The Hospital:

I called my home town hospital and they explained that I needed to go because if I was pregnant or not they needed to test my blood to make sure it wasn't RH positive or negative. To read about why that's important click here.

They called the nearest hospital to me and told me how to get there. My roommate was still at work so I had to ask the other roommate there to drive me. I did so very shyly. He didn't ask questions, drove and stayed with me until they called my name.

I told each person what was happening, they took blood out of my arm, and I laid there shivering. I got up a few times to pee and each time there was more blood. But none on my underwear like a normal cycle.

Two hours went by and a woman finally came in to tell me my blood type is A- and my HCG levels were at 9. That 9 meant I was pregnant but HCG levels go up greatly (in the 100's) each day of pregnancy until the second trimester hits. That number usually evens out and stays then. A 9 also confirmed that this wasn't just my cycle because the HCG wouldn't have read anything at all if it was.

I asked her if I was having a miscarriage and she just stared at me dead in the eyes, no words, expressionless. As if I were wasting her time.

I was discharged, the roommate and I left. I felt defeated, confused and empty.

Trying to Talk & Heal:

I told nobody. I got on the train quietly. I sat with my hood up, and cried. I didn't get to download the movie I wanted to watch earlier anyway. I was going in and out of denial. The lady didn't say I was having a miscarriage. I thought "Maybe it was just a freak accident. Many women have period like symptoms at first."

I knew though. I carried out the rest of the miscarriage in the tiny bathroom, of an 8 hour train ride. Alone.

I didn't tell J. right away. I was just dealing with it all. The physical pain wasn't so bad and I got the courage to tell him. He didn't say or do anything. I realized later that's how he copes with hardships. I needed him, I cried in his lap. He picked up the video game controller and continued playing behind my head.

I would have crying spells where I just couldn't get off the floor crying (the real ugly kind). I started sobbing in a grocery store because I heard a baby cry. It was completely involuntary.(Why would I want that?) But I got the sense that when I told people they thought I was being dramatic.

My peers said things like: it wasn't a baby, it was just my cycle (it wasn't), I was making it up for attention, not a big deal and that I'm not the only one so suck it up already.

Not exactly the support I needed in that moment. Also, gave me a sense of who really gave a fuck about me.

Moving Forward:

I got a different job as a housekeeper and tried to get my head straight. Months went on and I slowly started feeling better, less crying to my friends about how I just wanted a baby.

I had purchased a web development course a few months later and thought maybe I should give up trying to conceive and have a "real" career instead. "Maybe that's what the Universe wants for me" I thought.

I told J. I didn't want to try anymore and that I'd like to focus on school. I felt like I needed to do something different with my life. Maybe I wasn't really ready for the baby anyway.

And when I gave up, J. "forgot" as he put it, and we fell pregnant with W. 6 months after the miscarriage. (You can read that full beautiful story here.)

My first thoughts initially were fear of miscarriage. I was hesitant to tell J. or anyone, rightfully so. My doctor at the time had allowed me a blood test pretty early on to confirm. Which isn't the norm but so kind of them. I guess I got to have my "Rainbow Baby" instead.

I eventually healed enough to realize that this was heartbreaking and so hard while it was happening but the Universe tests us in mysterious ways.

I decided that I needed to weather that storm to:
A. Figure out if really truly wanted this baby. All those tears say I did.
B. Lead me to Web Development. Which eventually not only lead me to writing the Consciously Natural Momma Book but also lead me here to help other women like you.

I truly needed this & baby W. later proved to save my life.

Wrap Up:

If you or anyone has weathered the painful storm of miscarriage or pregnancy loss then know that I'm here. I get you. The pain isn't just physical the miscarriage healing process cannot be only explained in textbook version advice.

There are many pregnancy loss support groups out there if you don't have support around you. You will heal eventually and time will allow you to process.

I hope you enjoyed reading my personal experience on coping with miscarriage and my symptoms. As well as, learning what to do if it happens to you.

Thank you so much for reading.

Xo,
Shannon

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